The Depths of the Mind
by Spirit of the Pen
Summary: [Kadaj centric, slight hints of CloudxKadaj] Even alone in your thoughts, there's no escape.


**Title:** The Depths of the Mind  
**Fandom:** Final Fantasy - Advent Children  
**Claim: **Kadaj  
**Pairing: **Hints of Cloud x Kadaj (if you squint)  
**Theme:** 1) I hate you  
**Rating:** PG  
**Word Count:** 921  
**Summary:** Even alone in your thoughts, there's no escape.  
**Notes:** Written for the 7lies livejournal community. Can be taken as romance or simply admiration. Inspired by a doujinshi I read called Incomplete. My attempt at showing how Kadaj desperately wants the approval not only of his Mother but his big brother as well. I also, tried to show his more childish side and again, how it conflicts with Sephiroth will.

**Disclaimer: Advent Children and it's characters are the property of Square Enix, I just borrow them from time to time.  
**

Kadaj smiled, replaying the scene in his mind.

"Nii-san," The word fell from his lips like a prayer, "Did I surprise you?"

He leant back on the soft material and closed his eyes. He could see his big brother's expression so clearly in depths of his mind. He chuckled remembering the shock on the normally blank face.

_'I wonder, just how many people have managed to catch you off guard, Nii-san?'_

A small rush of pride filled him and he smirked. _'Not many, I'll bet.'_

After all, traitor or not, he was still Nii-san. Strong, powerful, a born fighter and the only one to ever defeat **_Him_**.

Kadaj opened his eyes and frowned.

Him.

Why did everything always come back to Him? It's not like He was so great, after all he'd gone up against Nii-san and been defeated, hadn't he? Whereas if Kadaj hadn't ordered his brothers and shadow hounds back, Cloud would've been buried 6 feet under by now.

No, it wouldn't do to have Cloud die so soon, after all he was family, so it was only right he be there when they finally re-united with Mother. Who knows, maybe when he saw Mother, saw her in her true beauty and grace, he'd realize that the Planet had been lying to him all along? Kadaj smiled, laughing. It would be wonderful, Mother with her kind heart would forgive Nii-san and they'd both turn and watch him, their hero, with that same intense look, Cloud had given him that day.

Kadaj continued to smile, feeling a slight blush rise in his cheeks at the thought. As he'd called the shadow hounds back, he'd watched his brother, inwardly begging him to look up and see him, Kadaj, Sephiroth's better, standing tall and strong on the cliff ledge. It seemed like forever, when his Nii-san had finally turned and looked up at him and that gaze sent a glowing warmth through his entire body.

Their eyes would take in everything. Thoughts of Sephiroth would vanish. They would both stare at him with the same intensity as those blue eyes had earlier. They would be looking at him and only him, he would be their sole focus. Sephiroth would be just a memory.

**'You think so, do you?'**

"Uh!" Kadaj sat up, scanning the room. There was no-one there. Pouting a little that he'd let his imagination get the best of him, he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Letting his head droop a little, he sighed.

**"You really are just a child, aren't you?"**

The teen gasped, head jerking up. He didn't need to look down at the slender fingers trailing up his chest to know who it was. A chill swept his body and cursed the way he was trembling. Fear was a sign of weakness and weak was something he couldn't afford to be, especially now.

With **_Him_**.

"Sephiroth..."

A cold laugh echoed from the man's lips as his fingers closed around the teen's pale throat. He gave it a light squeeze

**"It's good to know that, despite those fantasies of yours, you still have some sense left."**

"Fantasies?!" growled the youth, forgetting for the moment who he was with and attempting to turn around. The sudden lack of oxygen as the older man's hand tightened over his windpipe, reminded him of his place. Sephiroth smirked, relaxing his grip a little when the boy's body obediently went limp.

**"You have such a vivid imagination, my little remnant. Tell me, what was going to happen next, would I also, have gazed at you with the same star struck adoration that you so desperately crave?"**

Anger flared at the mockery in the man's voice and Kadaj smirked.

"Why would you be in my thoughts?"

**"Don't your thoughts always come back to me?"**

"No!" he hissed.

Again, that laugh resounded round the room and the teen felt silver hair brush his cheek as the elder leaned forward and whispered,

_**"...Liar."**_

"Your nothing to me, I hate you! Soon you'll be nothing to Mother either!"

**"Liar."**

"Stop saying that!"

**"It's so hard to admit what you fear, isn't it?"** His other hand drifted up to stroke the teen's hair. Gently, softly, mocking him.

"I'm not scared!"

**"Because that fear shows you just how weak you really are."** The hand tightened it's grip on the silvery locks.

"I'm not weak!"

**"Which is why you'll never be a part of Mother's world." **Kadaj whimpered, whether from the painful grip on his hair or the sting of Sephiroth's words, he wasn't sure.

"Shut up."

_'Go away...just go away...'_

**"But maybe I'm being too cruel with you."** Slender fingers tightened their grip around his throat.

"Shut up!"

_'Please...just please...'_

**"You are after all..."**

"SHUT UP!"

A cold smirk.

_'Don't say it...'_

**"...just a puppet."**

A choked sob escaped the teen's lips as a single tear rolled down his cheek. For the third time that night, he heard the angel's laughter bounce off the walls as long fingers extracted themselves from his throat and hair and the icy presence vanished.

That didn't stop Kadaj from tightening his grip on his legs and pressing his face to his knees while muttering, "She loves me, she loves, she loves me..."

And sitting alone in the room, alone in the depths of his mind with his thoughts, Sephiroth's words echoed in his mind, the doubts and fear returning again, swallowing, him, consuming him and almost drowning out the small voice that screamed,

_'NII-SAN!'_


End file.
